Journal Entry: Final Day of Road Trip - A Story of Bears and Tigers

I rested my head on the pillow and looked out through the mesh netting of my tent to see tens of shooting stars. Even though I had an early alarm set for 5:30, I couldn’t help but sit up and look more closely with excitement. I remembered that it was August and I thought back to all my younger birthdays spent looking at meteor showers on warm summer nights. 

It was one of my last days in Colorado. Mazzi and I spent the day hiking to turquoise waters, aptly named Ice Lake. The hike was brutal - 8.2 miles round trip with 3000 ft of elevation gain. When we reached the top Mazzi immediately curled into a ball and I dove into the freezing water to come to life again. By this point in our trip I knew that water was undeniably my element.

Once I got dressed we hiked along the edge of the lake, through fields of flowers of all colors. No one was around and I let Mazzi off leash. She became overjoyed and began to sprint around in circles. Occasionally she’d stop, throw herself onto the ground and roll onto her back. During moments like this I couldn’t help but feel endless gratitude for having the opportunity to have an experience like this, and to share it with this adorable being. 

By the time we hiked back down I was so exhausted that were it not for the high altitude I would have dispersed camped. But alas, it was too cold to stay overnight and we had to drive back to lower elevations. I pitched my tent in Ouray at the same campground as the night before. When I paid for the site the campground host warned me that there had been multiple bear sightings.

I thanked him for the information and drove into town for food. The pizza, live music, and endless tea were everything I could hope for. Seeing Mazzi’s exhaustion, I knew this was my best chance to experience the hot springs the town was famous for. Right before sunset I made sure she was well fed, I cracked the windows, set her bed up in the hatch of the car, and left her with a toy. 

I paid the evening entrance ticket, changed into my swimsuit, and beelined for the hottest pool. The heat felt therapeutic on my aching muscles. I watched the sun go down over the surrounding mountains then switched into the lap pool to alternate between hot and cold.

My first real shower in a few days felt great. Even Mazzi seemed happier to greet my clean version. We drove back to the campground and I collapsed into bed, thankful I had the foresight to have it all set up before leaving for dinner.

Around midnight something bumped into my tent and Mazzi barked. I could hear it circling. I immediately reached for my bear spray and pointed it in all directions, not knowing where to expect the attack from. I blew my whistle and clapped - still, the bear was there. With all the yelling, clapping and screaming I knew only a bear would be ballsy enough to not care!! The footsteps disappeared into the distance and just as I was about to sleep again I heard it return. My fear was through the roof! Not only was the bear unresponsive, so was every single other person in the campground. 

Hours of agony passed as the bear left and returned.

Around 2 am I lost my last nerve. I thought I’d rather confront what was out there and die than tolerate the fear of not knowing. I turned on my headlamp, unlocked the bear spray, and charged out of the tent. 

I froze as two large eyes stared at me. It took me a minute to notice that my bear was actually a deer. Just as my headlamp flooded her eyes with light, I was flooded with relief. What a stark contrast this was compared to the blissful star gazing the night before! 

The next morning I journaled and realized I was ready to go home. Before starting the road trip I didn’t know why I was drawn to the idea of adventure, but in that moment I understood. I needed to know that I had the courage to confront anything and meet life’s demands on my own. As far as I was concerned, that night proved it.

A friend once told me that fear was like a small tiger cub by the door. The sooner you gathered the courage to leave, the smaller and more harmless the animal you had to confront. But the longer you spent worrying in the room, the larger the animal by the door grew; and if you waited long enough, you’d have a full grown tiger to pass instead of a harmless cub. 

I faced my tiger in the form of a physical bear (well, deer technically) and I knew I had what it took to face my inner tigers too.